My friend cole posted something on Facebook the other day and it made me laugh so hard because it’s so true. It was a quote from some guy named Zac who is a “gay friend” of his wife. The exact quote is,
(From Tina’s gay friend Zac) “It’s hard to be a gay man in this day in age because straight guys dress like complete homo’s.”
NOW ISN’T THAT THE FUCKING TRUTH!?!?
Hipsters, scenesters, deathcore kids, DJ guys (I know a couple!.. yes, you) Seemingly all guys are robbing gay males of their fashion sense, and it doesn’t stop there. Not only are they taking a slightly effeminate angle to fashion, but they are mutating it into some horrendous pop culture statement that is so sad because it’s NOT satirical. These fucking guys are dead serious. It’s like a completely new kind of “gay”. I can’t imagine how irritating it must be for homosexual males looking to meet some guy when said person is out socializing.
It goes for any person that belongs to any subculture of niche demographic in the world. You kind of get stoked when you see someone who is part of that culture because you think, hey… this person can relate to me. We are the same. These guys are totally fucking that up. Imagine being a gay male at a bar downtown and spotting someone you dig from across the room, only to get closer and find out that it’s in fact not someone you could possibly hit on, but just some douchebag who is exploiting your sense of fashion and even displaying slightly effeminate mannerisms on purpose because that is what’s “cool” right now.
It’s also not fair because most of the gay people I know either were in danger of, or actually had the shit kicked out of them when they were young because of the way they were born. Now the clowns that beat them up in middle school are shopping at the same stores. It’s ridiculous.
Now, while we are on the topic of homosexuals, perhaps someone can shed some light on something that I simply DO NOT understand.
I am not trying to be funny, and I am NOT trying to insult ANYONE.
With that being said… why is it that a woman who is into other women, would want a woman who in all typical social conventions, displays the fashion, mannerisms and overall tone of a male?
I guess the big reason I don’t get it is because women are BEAUTIFUL creatures. They really are completely stunning. So perhaps it’s my own sexual attraction to women that leaves me unable to understand this. From where I am sitting, if I were a lesbian I would imagine that I would seek out the most feminine, gorgeous, lipstick lesbian that I could find. Not a chick wearing cargo shorts, skate shoes, a football T shirt(or worse a jersey) and a baseball cap with a mullet underneath. I don’t understand it!
It doesn’t upset me, I harbor no ill will toward women who choose to dress that way. What I want to understand, is why that attracts so many other women? Is it because you are into women but still want someone in the equation to display some sense of masculinity? Is it that you just find dicks gross? Or, is it simply something that you can’t describe. Sort of like… why is my favorite color black? You just DO (I know it’s not actually a color, fuck off) Or why do you like spicy food? You simply DO… I am afraid I am sounding like a fucking idiot here, but I really find it fascinating. Any lesbians that can clue me in on this, I would really appreciate it.
One other thing that I want to take a shit here about, is air freshener! (completely unrelated I know… this is how my brain works)
I am addicted to air freshener, and I have been since I was a kid. GOOD incense, GOOD oils, and plug ins. It troubles me a bit because incense doesn’t usually hit the mark, but it’s pleasant. Good oils to burn are hard to find (at least in phoenix the are… if you know a good place to order them from, please share) The stuff that really does it for me are glade plug ins! This is terrible I know, because if you trace your air freshener back to who owns them, you typically will find some sort of experimentation or vivisection of animals at the top of that rope. I feel terrible, because I still buy the fucking things! I am working on stopping, and I will! However, I think I have pinpointed why exactly I love it so much…. as is the root of most things in the life of a 29 year old guy…. WOMEN.
The smell reminds me of a woman. Right now I have some sort of honeysuckle rose thing plugged in all over the house, and the smell, is that of a woman fresh out of the shower. THAT is an amazing smell. When my girlfriend is fresh out of the shower and she has just washed her hair, and used all those shampoos and conditioners and body washes and what not… she smells pretty fucking amazing. This goes for most women I have ever encountered.
Now one may think that this would cause sexual arousal at some level, but it’s actually the opposite. It makes me feel incredibly calm and all fuzzy. Maybe psychologically it has something to do with my mom when I was a kid, bath time, or house cleaning… who knows. The point is… it makes me feel safe. When I walk into my house and it smells awesome, I feel all cozy and warm and well… safe. I will stop using the harsh chemical stuff soon I promise, and don’t fucking tell me to use the eco friendly orange spray because that stuff seriously smells like someone took a shit in a grape fruit. THAT doesn’t signal the sensation of warmth and safety… it triggers the gag reflex.
Well, that’s all folks.
Fuck you very much and thank you for my time.
“Ahhhhhh No Sir, I don’t like it. Not one bit.”